Boredom Breakage: A Vacuum In Feline Form
by Curtis Wildcat
Summary: A sequel to Boredom Breakage. Some time after their initial meeting, the competition between Garfield and Yukari continues. Once it concludes, who knows what will happen?
1. Part 1A

Boredom Breakage: A Vacuum in Feline Form

By: Curtis Wildcat

This story is a sequel to Boredom Breakage. Someone suggested to me that Yukari's challenge to Garfield be resolved in some way, and from there several ideas have started to take form. I'll be putting them together here the best that I can. These may or may not be in order, timeline-wise, so I'll leave that to the readers' discernment. Also, when it comes to writing, my brain is easily distracted and rather fickle. Therefore, don't be surprised if future updates take a while.

_Garfield_ (plus _Garfield and Friends_ by extension) and the _Touhou Project_ are the properties of their respective owners and copyright holders.

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

**PART 1-A**

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Somewhere, maybe in Gensokyo but maybe not, a cellphone rang. Its owner answered it, knowing that there was only one person in the outside world who would have this number. "Yes?"

-"Hello. Is this... Yakumo Yukari?"-

"Yes."

-"This is Jon Arbuckle. When you were over here a few weeks ago, you reccommended your services as a pet-sitter..."-

"Yes?"

-"Well, Liz and I will be going out to dinner this evening, and I need someone to look after the boys. Would you be able to do that?"-

"Yes."

-"That's great! Could you be here at 6:00?"-

"Yes."

-"Oh, thank you so much. I've tried everyone else, and no one wants to put up with them. This really means a lot to me."

"Yes."

-"Alright. I'll see you then."-

"Yes."

The line clicked off; Yukari did the same with her cellphone. Having met Garfield herself, she had a good handle on what the cat was capable of when he was properly motivated. And she knew that the challenge that she had issued that day was far from over.

She smirked in anticipation. "Yesss..."

_**-GAP-**_

As planned, Yukari had arrived at the Arbuckle house right on schedule. After reassuring Jon that things would go smoothly- - -which would probably be a first, considering who was involved- - -she had dismissed the man and allowed him to enjoy the rest of his evening.

It certainly wasn't for _his_ sake that she was eager to see him off. Seriously, there were bad suits, and then there were _**bad**_ suits. Olive green with yellow checkers? Bright orange and blue polka-dotted clip-on tie? Quietly she hoped that Liz would convince him to clean out his closet, and _quick._

"I still don't get why I had to come along, Yukari-sama. ..._Or_ why you wanted me to bring Chen."

Yukari glanced at her shikigami out the corner of her eye before resuming her casual search for Garfield. The living room seemed much larger than it did from the outside, leaving her to wonder if the home's designers had access to space manipulation; it almost felt as if they'd been walking in circles. "Call it a hunch, Ran. If I'm correct, there stands to be a great deal of entertainment in our lives soon enough."

Ran sweatdropped. "Only you would find a fat lazy cat entertaining."

An enigmatic smile was all she got by way of response.

Chen edged over to a doorway and peeked around it, bristling a bit when she saw Odie sitting and panting blissfully on the kitchen table. She cautiously stared at him a few moments before regarding Ran. "I didn't know dogs could be so... so..."

"Stupid?" Ran offered dryly, recalling her first meeting with Odie. "I hate to sound so derogatory of canines, but not all of them are inherently intelligent."

The overseer didn't answer either of them, instead looking on as Garfield climbed onto the table by way of a chair. The cat's head turned to face something unseen. Like her first meeting, Yukari imagined what he would have said if his thoughts were audible...

_Man's best friend: the dog. While loyal and friendly to a fault, they are as entertaining as any mass-produced toy._

Garfield held up a little ball, rattling the bell inside it to get Odie's attention, then quickly tossed it over the edge of the table. Yipping, the dog immediately jumped after it, missed and **CRASHED** to the floor. Ran flinched at the impact, while Chen and Yukari watched with no small amount of amusement.

_No assembly required._

"Ahem..."

Garfield finally noticed Yukari and the others, the border youkai's throat clearing having grabbed his attention. His tone became half sour, half challenging. _Back for more? It's about time._

"It very much is," she agreed. "Don't forget, Garfield, I won that first match fair and square."

_No way,_ Garfield declared, waving off her claim. _Liz and the fox woke you up first. Everyone was far more annoyed with you than they were with me._

"You keep on thinking that." Yukari folded her arms imperiously, striding into the kitchen. "The gentleman he is..." She chose to ignore the amused snort from Ran and continued speaking. "...Mr. Arbuckle wanted you off of me so that I could get up. The call that woke you up came before mine."

"Actually," Ran interrupted, "you both woke up at the same time."

Both heads turned her way, annoyance ink-stamped on their faces. She sweatdropped, but continued to speak. "I asked that mouse before we left what the stopwatch was for. Please don't look at me like that."

Yukari sighed, opening a gap next to her; Garfield and Odie, the latter having regained what few senses he had, stared in stunned awe at the feat. "We'll pick up where we left off a little later. Ran, I would like to continue our competition with a feast. Hurry back home and bring over as much food as we can spare."

"Certainly, Yukari-sama," Ran said, bowing. "And what are you going to be doing in the meantime?"

Another gap opened at Yukari's other side, forcing Chen to step away from it. "I'm going to borrow a maid."

_**-GAP-**_

Busy, busy, busy.

There were times that Sakuya grew highly annoyed with the idiots on her staff, and this was one of them. Earlier, the Mansion's fairy maids had summoned an acidic monster completely by accident while working in the kitchen. Thankfully, she didn't have to intervene; the creature merely looked around, growled something about an "Akane Tendo" person and disappeared from whence it came. Most of those present had been vastly puzzled, and even now there continued to be some speculation as to who that individual was. Even Patchouli, when she heard about it, made a puzzling comment about "prospective chefs not getting much respect".

Sakuya sighed, gazing out the window she was cleaning. Aside from Tenshi's bout of boredom, there hadn't been a need for her to go out and investigate any strange happenings in Gensokyo the last few years. Thinking about those things, why did she get the feeling that she was due for some unexpected leave?...

Something didn't seem right to her. Freezing time momentarily, she took a few seconds (relative to her) to look around and confirm that everything was in order. Neat and tidy room: check. Completely dusted: check. Window cleaned: check. A hole tied open with ribbons beneath her: check. No signs of danger. Sighing in relief and dispelling her grip on time, she- - -

_...Waaaait a second..._

Gravity didn't hear her for a change, as it took only half the allotted time for it to reassert itself. Sakuya dropped inside the hole, shouting in surprise before she disappeared.

_**-GAP-**_

"... Just so I understand this..." ***SLURP*** "Ugh... you want me to manipulate time in such a fashion that..." ***SLURP*** "..._down,_ please... that you can fit both an eating _and_ a sleeping contest in the same evening..." ***SLURP*** "...I said _down!_ ...against a cat?"

At first, Sakuya hadn't taken her abduction from the Mansion very well; she'd almost commenced a spellcard duel right then and there when Odie distracted her. In-between lickings from the enthusiastic dog, she'd learned from Yukari why she was here. It didn't sound logical to her, but then again few things concerning the sleepy youkai ever did.

"That's the size of it," confirmed Yukari. "As soon as Ran finishes her task, we can begin."

Sakuya stood up and took a few steps backwards away from Odie, wiping off her face with a cloth. She'd seen overly friendly dogs before, but this one beat all. "I really don't think this is the best use of my powers, Lady Yukari- - -"

_***SLURRRRRP!***_

Everyone present, excepting Garfield, stared in surprise at what Odie had done. Sakuya, the target of his happy greeting, was even more gobsmacked. "...I was a meter away," she uttered in a monotone. "That shouldn't have reached me."

_The average doggie tongue is nine yards long._ Garfield smiled amusedly. _And if you need a towel, check the hall closet._

Chen counted off on her fingers as Sakuya elegantly stalked off to find the suggested closet. "Nine yards... that's... nine times... how many?"

_Three,_ Garfield supplied. Odie "arfed" in agreement, while Yukari silently made a note to have Ran give her shikigami another lesson on the different measurement systems.

"So, nine times three feet..." A pause, as Chen ran out of fingers and started over. "Two, five, eight..." A few beats, as she ran out again and lost track. "...Where was I again?"

"Eighteen," Yukari urged. "Go on..."

"One... four... seven..." Chen frowned. "Only seven? That's all?"

"_Twenty-seven,"_ Yukari and Garfield chorused, the latter sitting down on all fours.

"Twenty-seven," Chen uttered in awe. "Twenty-seven. That's... wow. That's a lot of inches. ...How many would that be? Hmm..." She began counting on her fingers again. "Four, eight, twelve, ten... no, that's not right. Let's try that again..."

Garfield's eyes flicked away from Chen, once again looking out towards nothing at all. _For those of you who came in late, you haven't missed much._

"...Who are you talking to, Garfield?"

_None of your business, Yukari._

_**-GAP-**_

_To be continued in Part 1-B_


	2. Part 1B

Boredom Breakage: A Vacuum in Feline Form

By: Curtis Wildcat

_Garfield_ (plus _Garfield and Friends_ by extension) and the _Touhou Project_ are the properties of their respective owners and copyright holders.

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

**PART 1-B**

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Preparations for the feast commenced. While Ran and Sakuya were hard at work, Yukari and Garfield were eagerly but patiently waiting for the fruits of their labors. Chen, following Ran's orders to help out by staying out of the way, could be heard chasing Odie around the back yard.

The mysterious youkai, deciding that Garfield could be trusted, gave him a brief summary of her powers and what it meant to manipulate boundaries. The revelation of Yukari's status and might rattled him some, but as she wrapped things up he'd decided that- - -ultimately- - -he didn't really care; it didn't concern him what she did, so long as he was left alone. Besides, if she could teleport anywhere in the world just by opening a gap between one place and another, logically that meant that eating out was a triviality. He smiled at the thought.

"...So yes, theoretically I could rewrite reality as I see fit," Yukari had just finished saying to Garfield. "But it's just too much effort. People call me lazy, true, but I prefer to save my energy for what's important."

_And that would be?_ Garfield asked even as he took a sip from a cup of coffee.

"...Good question." Yukari looked up at the ceiling. "It's been a while since I've given it any thought."

_It's easier if you don't think._ Thoughts of Jon accidentally destroying one of his ties in the blender lingered in Garfield's mind. _...Then again, maybe not._

A nod. "Obviously."

They were silent for about half a minute, watching time go by in Sakuya's workspace. Yukari turned in her seat, deciding to follow Garfield's example by pouring some coffee for herself (no more than half a cup, though; border manipulation and caffiene didn't mix well). "No complaints if I take some?"

_None from me. Be careful; it's the strong stuff._

"Doesn't bother me any. Thanks." She raised the cup to her lips and started to drink- - -

- - -and sputtered, almost dropping the cup when the coffee punched her nose on the way down. Wiping off her face with a napkin and looking somewhat indignant, she alternated glares between the cup and Garfield.

The fat cat wasn't disturbed by the look Yukari was giving him. _Well, I __**did**__ try to warn you..._

"Be more specific next time, then," the youkai groused, resisting the urge to gap an open sack of flour on top of him out of spite. "I didn't believe you meant 'strong' in that context." She stared irritably at the coffee once more, almost daring it to try again before she took another sip.

Ran stepped through the gap that Yukari had left open for her use, her arms occupied by foodstuffs. She saw her master's annoyance, mistook it as being targeted at herself, and was suddenly thankful that her job was almost done. What, she wondered, had she done to tick off Yukari-sama _this_ time?

_**-GAP-**_

Chen, her status on the totem pole aside, was reasonably bright as far as cats (or even cats in human-esque forms) went. When she found a discarded cardboard box in the garage, she knew what had to be done. It was as if it was calling to her, like she'd felt a connection between them... it could only be destiny.

Running around the yard proved to be great fun. There was enjoyment to be had in chasing Odie and scaring off birds. She was the queen of stealth and terror, unafraid of everything, and the ruler of this little patch of land. Having that box on her head had brought her an odd sense of inner peace, and she was loathe to let it go.

Tiring of pestering the dog- - -who hadn't seemed to mind being pursued- - -and leaving it alone, she slunk off to search for other prey. A flash of color, visible through the eye holes that she'd cut in the box, grabbed her attention and dragged it off past the edge of the property. A tentalizing scent tickled her nose as she approached, and she began to grow curious... until she saw what the source of it was, at which point her mouth started watering.

In the next yard over was a well-kept flower garden, in the center of which was a pedestal; sitting on that pedestal was a dish of freshly grilled tuna. Chen pouted when she remembered that the food that Ran and the maid were readying were off-limits to her, and decided immediately that a snack wouldn't hurt. "Time to eat!" she cried delightedly, leaping to the top of the fence and springing straight at the tuna.

What Chen didn't know was that the yard belonged to Mrs. Feeny, and she and Garfield had never gotten along (although the same could be said for the rest of the neighborhood). Earlier that day, the fat fuzzball had given her little dog a haircut of the mohawk variety, and she was feeling just the slightest bit petty. Thus, as soon as Chen's feet landed on the pedestal, there was a faint click... and the nekomata was catapulted- - -box, tuna, and all- - -into the side of Jon's house with a SPLAT.

Of course, those inside heard the noise; Ran wasted no time in rushing on out to investigate, fearing the worst. "Chen, what happened?" she called worriedly. Her voice became panicked when she discovered her shikigami. "Chen? ..._Cheeeeen!"_

"Game over, Ran-sama," Chen mewed dazedly, the crumpled box forgotten as she slid down to the ground.

Odie, unnoticed by either, grabbed the tuna in his mouth and trotted off happily.

_**-GAP-**_

The food was ready. The drinks were poured. There was no space left on the table. The whole thing seemed, on the whole, to be blatantly ridiculous in Sakuya's mind. Were it her, she'd just write it off as a farce and try to convince Yukari to take her home immediately, but her first such request was shot down almost as soon as she opened her mouth.

"The strange and bizarre is not limited to Gensokyo, Sakuya. I think you may be surprised."

That wasn't the response she wanted, but as much as she wanted to prove her point in more ways than one, curiosity drove her to be patient. If she still felt upset after this was done, she could always take it out on Marisa the next time she raided the Mansion's library; it didn't always work, but it was better than nothing.

Garfield, a bib tied around his neck and a fork and knife in his hands, glared across the table at Yukari. The youkai was unphased by his glare and confident in her abilities. They both seemed ill-prepared to eat that much. _A real shame that they are wasting their time like this,_ Sakuya thought, cupping her chin as she looked on. _Even if the dog is a wash, the cat seems capable of many things. It's enough to make a person wonder whether he..._

Ran spoke up from the kitchen door, interrupting her musings. "Alright; you both know the rules, and you have equal shares of food and drink (as far as I know). As soon as our little friend here starts the clock..." She nodded at the mouse sitting on top of the refrigerator, the same one who had timed Garfield and Yukari's nap-fest previously, and continued. "...you will try to be the first to finish your share. Sakuya, if it turns out to be a closer contest than anticipated, I'll need you to be the judge."

"Why me, Miss Yakumo?" Sakuya asked, trying not to sound like she was complaining. "I mean, I understand that my ability would be useful for this, but..."

"...My instincts are telling me," Ran said slowly, backing away into the living room, "that if I stand anywhere near there, I'll become part of the main course. You're at less risk than I am."

"... ... ..."

_Ahem._ The mouse on the fridge cleared his throat, grabbing their attention. _Are we ready?_

Both participants nodded.

_Then on your marks... get set..._ ..._**GO!**_

Almost as soon as that quiet _click_ was heard, both opponents dived more or less headfirst into clearing the table. Sakuya immediately realized that she had underestimated them both. The border youkai's quick pace... in retrospect, that was to be expected. She'd probably altered her appetite and metabolism to make herself hungrier, at the very least. But the housecat's? As far as she could determine, there wasn't any magic active in the area... so, how was he accomplishing it?

Whatever the reason, she was quickly beginning to lose track of their progress. _Oh, no you don't_. "_Time Sign: Private Square!_" she declared, throwing her arms out wide and triggering her pocketwatch in mid-motion...

Time made an abrupt nosedive into the abyss. From her perspective, everyone in or near the kitchen seemed to be swimming through molasses. From that of the others, if they'd looked outside, they'd have noticed the distorted image of a gigantic clock face overlaying everything else. Satisfied, Sakuya stepped back to watch the show...

_..._

_...Urm... ugh..._

The downside of this approach was that she was treated to a highly disconcerting view in slow motion. Garfield shoved an entire plate of chicken tenderloins into his mouth, chewed for a bit, then spat the plate back onto the table before swallowing. Yukari, arms and silverware flying, was able to devour a large serving of beef stroganoff in that same time span. A strawberry milkshake the size of the cat's entire body? Guzzled and polished off without so much as a 'thanks for the meal'. The large fruit salad that Ran had helped her prepare for her master? Stick a fork in it; it was _gone._

*snarf snarf*

*chomp, chew, chew*

*grab, munch, munch, swallow*

Sakuya looked on, starting to feel the slightest bit sick as she watched all her work disappear into the stomachs of the relentless and the ravenous. She now fully understood and respected Ran's wish to stay out of the kitchen. _Thinking of them as pigs would probably be an insult to the pigs. Could someone remind me _why _I'm here again?_

Shortly thereafter, Private Square's effects wore off and allowed time its proper place on the stage. By then, the contest had come down to a platter of crackers and cheese sitting in the exact center of the table. Garfield, who'd needed to climb onto the table to reach it, grabbed it first. Before he could down the platter's contents and claim a victory, however, Yukari's hand snaked in and pulled it back in her direction. A tug-of-war ensued, with victory and glory- - -or at least bragging rights- - -at stake.

_This is MINE, lady. Hands off!_

"Respect your elders and recognize the taste of defeat!"

The impromptu battle finally ended... but in a way that none of the visitors from Gensokyo could have anticipated. One of the house's resident spiders chose to drop down from the ceiling, getting a closer look and dangling in mid-air between the two. They would've had to be blind to miss it, of course, but it was Garfield who took action. He yanked the platter back towards him in what looked like a continuation of the tug-of-war, but then quickly reached up and flicked the spider onto Yukari's forehead. This surprised her just enough that she relinquished her grip on the platter, allowing Garfield to scoop the cheese and crackers into his mouth unchallenged.

A faint click told everyone that the timekeeping mouse had just called an end to the contest. _Looks like... two minutes and fourteen seconds. Congrats, Garfield._

Disgusted, Yukari gapped the shaken spider to a safer location in the house. She turned to Sakuya, eyes narrowed, but the maid just shook her head. "I can guess what you're thinking, Miss Yukari. Technically, the winner is whoever finished his or her share first. There wasn't any rules limiting how they could accomplish that."

Ran shivered when Yukari turned her glare towards her. She'd been the one who came up with what few rules there were, after all. "Um... sorry, Yukari-sama."

"I'll make it official, then. The winner of the competition's Feast portion is Garfield." Sakuya winced. "And with all due respect, I feel that this is completely ridiculous."

_Until you've seen Jon's closet, you don't know what ridiculous is. _Garfield patted his stomach, releasing a satisfied belch that shook the table and reverberated through the kitchen. Chen, who had remained outside but observed everything from a window, ducked out of sight until the terrible noise stopped.

Yukari's left eye twitched a little at his rudeness. That was Garfield's only warning before a gap opened above his head, spilling the contents of a bag of flour onto him.

_Alright; I see what you're getting at._

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

To be continued in Part 1-C


	3. Part 1C

Boredom Breakage: A Vacuum in Feline Form

By: Curtis Wildcat

_Garfield_ (plus _Garfield and Friends_ by extension) and the _Touhou Project_ are the properties of their respective owners and copyright holders.

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

**PART 1-C**

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

After the kitchen was cleaned and both Chen and Odie were allowed back inside, those present began to set the stage for a showdown of epic proportions.

"So... what sort of rules should we have? Just let whoever sleeps the longest be the winner?"

...'Epic' being a bit of a stretch, of course. It would still be, at the very least, memorable.

"And no one would be allowed to cheat either, Ran."

'Memorable' in the sense that, in Sakuya's mind, this whole thing was still one of the silliest things she had ever experienced.

"Yukari-sama, how would someone cheat at a _sleeping_ contest?" asked Ran, looking this side of perplexed as she gave a large blanket to her master.

"Yeah, would they have someone put live cicadas in the other person's futon?" Chen chimed in.

"Let's just call my response 'general'." Yukari settled into the living room chair and accepted Ran's assistance while Sakuya closed the curtains. "I want to sleep and do nothing but. No gags, no interruptions, _zilch._ I realize this will mess up my schedule, but an opportunity like this doesn't come along everyday." She removed her cap and placed it on the back of the chair.

Garfield, bedded and blanketed next to the chair, gave a thumbs up. _Hear, hear._

Odie turned to regard Chen confusedly. "Urf?"

"My word exactly," the nekomata answered, having no other response for him.

"Don't ask, you two." Ran sighed, having suspected that she was going to be left in the dark. She flicked a nearby switch and turned off the lights. "Just don't ask."

Sakuya turned in the timekeeping mouse's direction, exchanged nods with him, then regarded the two competitors once more. "Alright, this is the _last time_ I'm going to do this for you two. From the moment I press this button..." she explained, holding up her pocket watch, "your perception of time and space will be altered. For each half hour that passes by in your immediate vicinity, only one minute will have elapsed in reality. Rest as long as you like."

_Don't have to tell me twice._ Garfield pulled the blanket over his head. _See you in an hour._

"...Wait. Do you mean an hour in real time, or an hour in the enclosed space?" questioned Sakuya.

_Whichever is longer._

A sigh. "Alright. Then for all our sakes, let's begin. One... two..."

A pair of snores answered her, the both of them having dropped off to sleep already. "...Three," she finished, clicking the pocket watch and enveloping them in their own time-space field. The air around them wavered and rippled a bit, discoloring itself a light reddish-orange before stopping.

Ran covered her mouth, suppressing a chuckle at the sight of the snoozing duo. "Well, let's not disturb them any." She turned to exit the room. "Come along, Chen. Best two of three at Othello?"

"Okay, Ran-sama," Chen agreed, following along behind her master.

Sakuya looked around. "And that... leaves me where?..." she asked herself, quietly annoyed. She was far from home, and her means of returning there wouldn't be awake for a while. As this sunk in fully she stared down at Odie, who was sitting on the floor and panting blissfully. "...I can't believe I've been compared to the likes of you."

The dog simply stared into space, oblivious to her complaint.

_**-GAP-**_

Yukari rarely talked to anyone, even Yuyuko, about her dreams. For the most part, this was because her dreams were inconsequential and ultimately of no worth to anyone. To her they had little, if any, meaning and were better off forgotten.

This time, as she slept, her subconscious became deluged with the strangest imagery she'd seen in decades. Her immediate surroundings she recognized as the Scarlet Devil Mansion's foyer, and she wondered how she'd arrived there when she had no memory of entering. She saw Sakuya- - -older, blonde, and nastier- - -trying unsuccessfully to converse with a disgruntled Remilia. A drunken video game designer was sitting in a corner, exchanging anecdotes with Suika and Yuugi. Sanae was standing at the entrance, wondering aloud who had parked a giant blue car-headed robot across from the Mansion's gatekeeper.

At the far side of the foyer, an overly muscular Marisa was having an arm wrestling match against Spiderman. A French-Canadian man- - -and how Yukari knew his nationality, she didn't know- - -was warning Kaguya that horses should not be trusted; judging from the dazed look on Reisen's face, he'd been talking for a while. An obese guy with a goatee was sitting opposite of Yuyuko, matching her bite for bite in an eating contest.

And a twenty-story Garfield was picking up the Mansion, foundation and all, and starting to munch on it!

Everyone present went on the attack, taking to the air and releasing a veritable storm of danmaku at the gigantic cat; even the guests to Gensokyo were able to contribute. All the attacks connected, but Garfield's tremendous bulk reduced their effects to nothing.

Yukari swapped her hat for a baseball cap and grabbed a protesting Ran out of a gap. "The windup, and the pitch!" the overseer cried, slinging Ran at Garfield's nose and scoring a successful hit. It didn't do much damage, but at least it got his attention.

_This is going to be a long, strange dream... if it really is one._

_**-GAP-**_

_Driver Number 3, Garfield the Great, has completed the fifth lap and is closing in on the lead..._

The dream Garfield was having wasn't anywhere near as complex. He was driving a wooden go-kart down a forested path, dodging banana peels and glowing yellow orbs. As a similarly-designed go-kart with Nermal behind the wheel came into view, he plucked a stray doll from the side of the path and hurled it at the kitten's vehicle. The doll exploded, tossing both the startled critter and the undamaged kart end over end into the air.

Garfield passed beneath him, claiming the lead. _...And the Great One is in first place! With only one lap to go, he may be heading home with the Forest Trophy this afternoon!..._

A large sparrow noisily flew down into his line of sight. Surprised, Garfield swerved to avoid it... and drove right off the path, crashing his kart into a creek. As he recovered his wits, he looked up as Nermal, with Arlene and Jon not far behind, continued past him down the path. He shook his head with dismay. _Barring certain unforseen circumstances._

_**-GAP-**_

It had been twenty minutes since the time dilation field had been placed, and neither of them were showing any signs of awakening. Sakuya had hoped that the cat, at the very least, would've done so by now. It was a fact that an individual could only go so long without having to take care of his or her basic needs. It would seem, though, that her hope was unfounded...

Sakuya spun around towards the hallway, danger senses tingling. _An enemy?_ Cautiously, knives in hand, she set forth to investigate. Entering a room at the far end of the hall, she carefully searched every corner for the cause of her unease...

Finally, she saw it... a strange and boxy thing that radiated **'Danger!'** from the core of its being. There was no doubt in Sakuya's mind that this abhomination needed to be exterminated. _Such evil... I'm sure they would forgive me if I were to remove this threat posthaste. Whatever it is, it does not deserve to live._

Having decided that, she wasted little time in carrying out her grim task.

/-/-/-/

Somewhere in Gensokyo, Lunasa Prismriver sharply turned to face the eastern horizon. Her violin, which until a moment ago had been playing of its own accord, floated silently next to her.

"Something wrong?" Merlin asked inquisitively, edging on over. "Do you hear anything suspicious?"

Lunasa remained silent a few moments before she answered her sister. "No, it's nothing important. I just had the strangest feeling... it was as if someone had committed a serious wrong, but by the same action allowed justice to play its part in life."

"..."

_**-GAP-**_

For Ran and Chen, things were quiet and peaceful. The latter was strangely fond of Othello, even if she tended to place pieces on the board without thinking about her strategy. Occasionally she was a challenge to beat and a lot of times she wasn't, but either way Ran was happy just to have someone to play the odd game with during her off-time.

Following their final game, the both of them returned to the living room. Sakuya and Odie were still there, the former counting the knives she had with her for some reason. "So, any change?" Ran asked quietly, directing the question to both her and the timekeeper mouse.

_Nary a twitch,_ the little rodent told her.

"Seconded," Sakuya confirmed. "Aside from their breathing, of course."

Odie shook his head a few times, trying to make it clear that he supported Sakuya's statement.

Ran sighed. "I know she said it was for entertainment, but I'm still having trouble comprehending why she's doing all of this. What sort of fun could there be in spending time with an obnoxious, gluttonous cat?"

"You're asking the wrong person." Sakuya put the last of her weapons away and straightened a bit. "I've barely even met him, so I don't understand him. All I know is, my lady is going to be _very_ displeased that I've disappeared without notice."

"Remind me to apologize to your mistress for Yukari-sama's actions after this is over with."

As the two talked, Chen regarded Odie concernedly. She thought she was a fairly decent judge of her master's emotions by now, and she could tell that Ran was upset. However, she couldn't do anything about it; "Let's not disturb them any," the way it had been spoken to her, had been an order. As she looked at Odie she realized that the dog didn't have any need to follow such a command. Maybe he could help somehow!

While not the brightest dog in the world- - -or even the neighborhood- - -Odie was pretty good at sensing the moods of other people; he just generally preferred to react to them all the same way. Answering Chen's silent plea with a nod, Odie wagged his tail and walked up to the very edge of the time dilation field.

**"BARK!"**

The field... _shattered_, the fragments shrinking and dissolving into nothingness_._ Ran and Sakuya jumped in surprise, taken off guard by both the noise and the disruption. Chen was sent careening into Ran despite having half-expected Odie's actions, nearly causing the kitsune to fall. The competitors' reactions were more impressive: Garfield flipped in the air several times, bed and all, and landed sprawled on the floor, while Yukari was pitched out of the chair almost right into the television.

Several long moments of silence passed as everyone processed what just happened, Ran numbly helping Chen get up. "I saw it," Sakuya muttered, eyes wide, "and I still don't believe it."

"Yukari-sama! Are you alright?" Ran finally cried, rushing forward to assist her master.

"One Fastball Special, on the house," Yukari murmured, needing a few moments more to get her act together. She had been a little too into her dream, it seemed.

Garfield groggily glared at Odie. _I __**hate**__ dogs._

_**-GAP-**_

After the lights came back on, there was some deliberation between Sakuya and the timekeeper. Eventually it was decided that Garfield- - -being the more high-strung of the two- - -had been the first to respond to Odie's wakeup call. Yukari's canary-eating grin was most insufferable, and the cat turned away to avoid looking at it. Chen was congratulating the dog on a job well done, which wasn't much better.

"I still don't get it," Sakuya continued to grouse, shaking her head. "That dog, it just... how did..."

_When you're so stupid that you forget how to age, there's no limit to what you can do._

The maid stared dumbly at Garfield. "...But that's not how it's supposed to work! You're not unaffected by magic just because you don't get how it operates! That's just... ...I mean, it's..."

Garfield's unrelenting gaze wore her down. He said nothing and did nothing, exhibiting the sort of uncaringness that only a housecat was capable of showing.

Fifteen seconds passed before Sakuya, her patience with this household at an end, facepalmed. "Never mind. I don't want to know, and I'm better off not knowing. I just want to go home. Somebody, _please."_

Yukari sighed, but complied with Sakuya's wish and opened a gap back home for her. "You are Little Miss No Fun, you know that?"

"If I'm going to enjoy myself, it's going to be on my time, not yours," Sakuya declared. "Good day, Yakumo-san." Folding her arms, she strode through the gap and vanished from sight.

Shaking her head, Yukari closed the gap and turned to the others. As an aside, she grabbed her hat off the chair and put it back in its rightful place. "...So. I guess that's that. With Sakuya gone we can't really compete anymore, so we may as well just watch something on TV until Mr. Arbuckle returns."

_Doubtful if there's anything really good on. _Garfield grabbed the remote, jumped into the chair and started flicking through the TV channels. _'Attack of the Angry Houseplants'... _Click. _'The Regional Thumb Wrestling Competition..._' Click. _'Ten Recipes You Can Use With Fried Tofu' - - -_

Garfield suddenly found himself tossed out of the chair by an enthralled kitsune. Snatching the remote out of the air, she claimed the chair for herself and stared intently at the screen, riveted.

_**-GAP-**_

And that was the scene when Jon returned home later on. His disgruntled cat was perched on the back of the chair, staring off into space. Ran was so focused on the program and jotting notes down that she almost didn't hear Jon enter; Yukari pretended to be interested in a chase between Chen and Odie, but in reality her mind was on something else.

He didn't know anything about what transpired that evening. The house was still standing and the petsitting squad was still in good health, and that was good enough for him.

After things were squared away and the trio left for home, Jon went back to his room to change. He figured that once he had done so, he would talk to Garfield about how his date went. It wouldn't take more than a few minutes.

Life had other plans for him, though. Before he could do anything, he happened to look into his open closet... and screamed. His eyes bugged out, and his hair stood straight up from shock. **"YAAAAAHHHHH!** Garfield, what are all these holes doing in my accordion?"

_Don't know. Let's call Miss Scarlet and hear her opinion._

/-/-/-/

Sakuya put her handkerchief away, quietly hoping she hadn't caught something while at the Arbuckle house. Her mistress should be in bed by now; when she woke up later, she would tell her everything that had transpired earlier. It would serve as an entertaining story, at the very least, and perhaps an extra voice could shed some light on the unwelcome mysteries in her mind.

/-/-/-/

Unseen by either Ran or Chen as they traversed the gap between the Arbuckle residence and Gensokyo, Yukari smiled in satisfaction. _The metaphorical snowball is rolling downhill. Let's watch and see who it bowls over..._

**-STAGE CLEAR-**

_Author's Notes_

I'm hoping my attention span for this holds out. It's been a while since I've had this much fun writing something.

I have no real fondness for memes. With those that I _do_ use, I'm going to put my own spin on them- - -that's really the only way I can tolerate them. The entire scene with Chen and the cardboard box, for example, was one big shout-out to the _Metal Gear Solid_ games (which, I may add, I've never played or even liked).

I'll leave it to you people to decide for yourself just what in blazes Yukari's dream was about. I haven't a clue. ...And speaking of Clue, that's what Garfield's final line in the chapter is referencing.

...And I don't have much else to say about this, surprisingly. Don't know when I'll be continuing this, or how, but you'll know about it when I do. Ciao mein for now, everyone.


	4. Part 2

Boredom Breakage: A Vacuum in Feline Form

By: Curtis Wildcat

_Garfield_ (plus _Garfield and Friends_ by extension) and the _Touhou Project_ are the properties of their respective owners and copyright holders.

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

**PART 2**

Surrealism is bumped up a notch. The nightmare of the kitchen waits in broad daylight.

?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?

Reimu's eyes opened as she realized that something was out of place. The air was whistling past her as she flew down towards the village. Except for a few clouds off in the direction of Youkai Mountain, the sky was clear. She frowned as she wondered what this meant.

Marisa's words echoed in the back of her mind: a conversation that she couldn't recall having was lingering in her memory. _I don't remember speaking to anyone... but I can still think of it perfectly. Something feels off about this..._

_**-GAP-**_

"...I'm telling you, Reimu, the situation's gotten serious," Marisa insisted impatiently as the two of them stood outside the shrine. "Most of Gensokyo's locales are running low on food, ze. You know as well as I do what that means."

A slow nod. "Yes. The implications are something that I just as soon not think about, but... you're right. Do you have any leads on the problem's source, by some chance?"

"Nah." Marisa hopped onto her broom, hovering a few feet over the ground. "I was just going to head straight for the village and work from there."

"Leave that to me," Reimu decided. "I've got a hunch that someone or something is eating it all... maybe Yuyuko, maybe not, but either way I'll check it out. Marisa, you go and see what reinforcements you can find. This feels like a long day to me." She took to flight, already considering which of her Spell Cards she'd use against the enemy.

"Can do, ze! See you there!" Marisa's voice called after her, quickly dwindling in volume as Reimu flew farther away.

_**-GAP-**_

_Did I really say those things to her?_ Reimu wondered as she continued on. _The conversation was as clear as day, but I still don't recall talking to Marisa at all. And really, thinking Yuyuko's at the cause of this? She eats a lot, sure, but from what Youmu's told me she isn't a glutton._

Those thoughts continued to bug her as she descended towards the village, but she had to discard them when she arrived. Almost immediately, she could tell that something was up; the roads were desserted, the buildings were _des_erted, and Keine's schoolhouse was caked with pastries. Keine herself was in full werehakutaku form despite the lack of a full moon, angrily assailing a huge orange blob with danmaku and beams of raw history (which looked to Reimu's eyes to be giant scrolls in appearance). Whatever the blob was, though, it didn't mind; it instead grabbed one of the pastries off the schoolhouse and swallowed it whole, then snatched Keine to use one of her horns as a toothpick.

Hearing Keine's furious protests as she struggled to free herself, Reimu felt she had seen enough; throwing caution to the wind, she charged on in. "_Divine Arts: Wind God Kick!" _she yelled, triggering one of her Cards in mid-flight and allowing it to lead her through a series of energy-packed somersaulting kicks. The blob took five blows to the stomach, losing its grip on Keine reflexively and being driven back about six meters; it stumbled, but didn't fall.

Surprised and relieved, Keine looked up as Reimu landed next to her. "Hakurei-san!"

A nod. "Keine. What is it I'm dealing with here?"

Keine picked herself off the ground. "It's a giant orange housecat."

"...What kind of housecat does _this?_" Reimu asked, gesturing at the road-covered in confections that Sakuya could only _dream_ of baking-and at the cat in question, who was patting its stomach as if the shrine maiden's kicks hadn't had any substance to them.

"One that has allowed its appetite to rule it. The more it eats, the bigger it gets."

Reimu took a few moments to put two and two together, realizing that the cat had been responsible for the food shortage in Gensokyo. Her eyes narrowed. "We'll have to fix that, then. Let's put the big kitty on a diet," she decided, another Spell Card between her fingers.

This got the big cat's attention. _Sure, and why don't we swan dive into the Sanzu River?_ he asked, swatting at Reimu and frowning when she neatly evaded his attempt. _It's not going to happen either way._

"Don't give me any ideas." Reimu took to the air, Keine doing the same, and let loose with a barrage of homing amulets. Between the two of them, she hoped, perhaps they could lure the cat outside the village. "I'd be more than happy to see you on your way if you intend to play for keeps!"

The cat took the bait, rising to his feet and marching towards them; his steps were slow at first, shaking the ground, but he was beginning to pick up speed. He snatched several desserts off the road as he ran, and a magical sigil-shaped like a half-eaten pie-materialized beneath him. _Snacks now, seafood later. __**Food Sign: Let the Feast Begin.**_

No sooner did the cat utter his Spell Card's name did he messily eat the food he'd grabbed. Both Reimu and Keine stared in disgust as particles flew every which way, and they both prepared to unleash the fury of the Cards they'd drawn... only to go evasive as the particles transformed into medium-sized orange danmaku. The bullets zeroed in on their location, having no real pattern to exploit and requiring them to keep their eyes open; the shots had a limited homing ability, but once the heroines flew past them they didn't bother to change their flight path.

Keine took the lead in attacking, a fierce barrage of danmaku smacking into the blob cat's forehead and stalling his Card temporarily. Reimu kept up the pressure, directing her amulets to fly at the cat's legs. It took about half a minute before enough damage had been done to cause the beast to fall, pitching him facefirst onto the ground and kicking up a cloud of dust. The majority of the available food and ammo dissolved and vanished, although the pie sigil remained.

If they had been hoping for a respite, though, they didn't get one; the cat stood up again almost immediately, perturbed. _Not funny. You want to play mean? That can be arranged._ The cat turned and whistled loudly. _Hey, Odie!_

Reimu and Keine stared first at the cat, then at each other. "...Odie?"

"Bark! Bark!"

The both of them brought their eyes down next to the cat's feet; a small yellow dog had hopped up next to him. "Odie", if that was the dog's name, regarded them with a gormlessly good-natured expression... But that wasn't what had gotten Reimu laughing. What was funny was that the drooling dog had somehow gotten tangled up in a flexible green pipe, forcing it to travel by jumping around on its hind legs...

Reimu's laughter was cut short. ..._Wait a moment. The cat's using only its hind legs to walk, isn't it? If so, why couldn't the dog do the same? Why is this supposed to be funny? This is making less and less sense._

Upon seeing what happened to Odie the cat was visually put off at first, but _only_ at first. _Not what I would've liked, but... I can work with this. _He reached down, taking the green pipe between two of his fingers. _**Dunce Sign...**_

"...Something crazy is about to happen, isn't it?" Reimu deadpanned.

"Obviously," Keine muttered in the same tone.

Sure enough, the cat yanked his arm back and took the pipe with it, launching the dog into a rapid spin. _**...Watering The Lawn!**_

It was there that the cat introduced what would probably be the most disgusting projectile used in danmaku duels to date: gigantic drops of _doggy drool._ Each one as big as a person's fist, glowing slightly as proof that they were magically converted into bullets. They were being scattered around rather haphazardly, but there were _a lot_ of projectiles to dodge as they flew off the spinning dog's large tongue.

Keine was caught off guard by the ridiculousness of using drool in a danmaku duel, and out of a sense of dignity she almost panicked. She ducked down once as a drop shot past her head, swerved to the right to edge through a gap in the card pattern... and was met with several more bullets flying quicker than the rest. It only took one to finish her, though; as it struck she violently recoiled, crashing into the back of an unoccupied ramen stand and collapsing there. Neither of the combatants needed to see her swirling eyes or hear her dazed comment of "Class dismissed, children" to know that she was out of the fight.

Reimu's expression darkened as she ducked and weaved through the drops. Silly as the animal's choice of attack was, there was no doubt that she was faced with a formidable force; he must've known that his opponent would be distracted by the novelty (or lack thereof, in this case) of an unorthodox Spell Card. But she was the Hakurei shrine maiden, specifically geared to deal with situations like this, and she knew how to deal with formidable forces: by replying in kind.

_"Divine Spirit: Fantasy Seal!"_

For the first time since they'd met, the cat's eyes widened as a flood of tremendous, shining and colorful bullets swarmed him and detonated against him. The Spell Card he'd been using broke, and Odie slowed to a stop; Reimu almost felt sorry for the dog as it half-stumbled dizzily off of the street, whining all the way and seeming a bit ill. Another cloud of dirt and dust was thrown into the air as the cat crashed onto his back.

Reimu had been silently hoping that this would've been enough to finish the job; alas, it was not to be. She folded her arms, pondering the orange blob's resiliency as he once more worked himself upright. At the back of her mind, she wondered just what was taking Marisa so long to get to the fight. "Probably had trouble convincing Alice or whoever it was she was looking for... far as that goes, it wouldn't surprise me," she murmured to herself.

If the cat was upset before, he was _furious_ now. _Anyone ever tell you not to get between a cat and his appetite?_

"No," Reimu replied. "And after this, I don't think I'll be wanting one of your ilk anyway. Having _one_ moon around this planet is enough for me."

_**That**__ hurt. ... Well, nothing more to do but move on to the main course._

A warning siren went off in Reimu's mind as the cat said this-

_**Food Sign: Feed the Kitty!**_

It felt like gravity and wind were working against her; the cat's mouth had opened wide, and Reimu could feel herself being drawn slowly towards it. All around her, what food there still was in the village-as well as the bullets from the _Let The Feast Begin_ card, strangely-were being vacuumed on in. Not wanting to risk a close-up encounter with the beast, Reimu put all her effort into evasion and flying. Fighting against the pull, she readied herself for her final Spell Card. Hopefully it would be enough to _finish_ this blasted fight...

"Gehh-?!"

One of the orange bullets crashed into her from behind, breaking her concentration. Another one in the same spot, and she lost control completely; without any means of escaping the cat's maw, she tumbled head over heels down into it. Her furious scream as she was swallowed whole _almost_ drowned out Marisa's distant cry of _"REIMUUU!"_, the magician having arrived just a little too late...

...

...

"I'm..."

...

"I'm alive...?"

...

...

"...Huh. That was surprisingly painless... if anti-climatic. Would've been a silly way to end things, anyhow..."

Reimu slowly stood up, almost stumbling on the unfamiliar, yielding surface beneath her feet. It was extremely dark in here; the only sort of light was a glowing yellow pellet hovering in the center of the chamber. It took only a moment's examination to tell her that it wasn't a magic bullet itself. "Wonder what that is..."

"That's my fault, I fear."

Reimu whirled around as Yuyuko's voice got through to her. The pink-haired ghost princess was reclining against one of the chamber walls, looking a bit embarrassed. "What do you mean?" Reimu asked, frowning.

"Well, Youmu had found this little cat, and I thought I'd hassle it for a bit," Yuyuko confessed. "Then it ate a family treasure by accident, I turned blue for a few seconds, and the cat decided I looked delicious..."

"...? Wait, _what?!"_ Reimu shrieked, disbelief at full strength.

Yuyuko held one of her hands against her left ear, wincing. "Not so loud. You'll wake the dead."

She couldn't help it; between the indignity of being eaten alive and intact and the discovery that Yuyuko had been behind it all (if by accident), Reimu felt that she needed to vent. "You mean to tell me that I had to fight and get devoured by someone's pet on a reverse hunger strike just because you felt like teasing a cat?! You have any idea what I had to put up with out there?!"

"Come on, Reimu..." Marisa's voice echoed faintly.

"Flying chunks of food larger than I was tall..."

"Reimu?"

"Dangerous drool delivered by a dunce of a dog..."

"Reimu, get a hold of yourself!"

Her surroundings were becoming hazy, and Yuyuko was starting to become blurred. As upset as she was, Reimu didn't care. "And at the head of it all, a vacuum in feline form?! If it hadn't been for you, I could've been relaxing right now! I could've been taking a nap, or doing laundry, or _something_ worthwhile! Why, I have half a mind to-"

"_Calm down,_ you crazy kid!"

Reimu gave a start, eyes wide in recognition. That wasn't _Marisa's_ voice she was hearing-

_**-GAP-**_

"Reimu! Hey, Reimu, _wake up! _Snap out of it!"

"...? ...! Wha-?!"

Reimu sat up in her futon, panting a little. She looked one way and then the other, unnerved and watchful. Finally, reality sunk in: she had been asleep the whole time, not trapped in a gigantic housecat's stomach with Yuyuko. The whole experience had been nothing more than a bad dream.

In the darkness of the room, she could make out Suika's shape. The little oni was reclining nearby, concerned and curious. "You awake yet, Reimu?"

"Yeah... yeah, I am... the blazes was that, though?..." Reimu wondered, one hand on her forehead. Slowly she brought her breathing under control. "And how many synonyms are there for 'bizarre'? I'm sure all of them apply."

Suika took a swig from her gourd. "You were kicking something in your sleep and yelling something about a hunger strike. I take it you were fighting someone? I don't see what the problem is; I get dreams like that all the time."

"Well, you have a good excuse. Partying and fighting are all you ever think about." Reimu frowned. "At least I actually _have_ peaceful dreams most of the time. This time... it was too warped to even be _called_ a fight."

"So, what happened?"

Deciding that she wouldn't be falling back asleep yet, Reimu talked about the dream to Suika with as much detail as she could recall. Towards the end she came to the realization that something was missing, some minor thing or another that she'd gotten used to before, but she couldn't quite place what it was...

Whatever it was, she didn't feel like discussing it with the oni at present. It could wait.

_**-GAP-**_

"GARRRFIEEELD!"

_Another day, another scream._

Jon stormed into the living room, where Garfield was resting quietly in his bed. Fury like that of a hundred angry bulldogs was painted on the man's face. "Why did you have to eat almost _every scrap of food in the house?!_ Just what am I supposed to have for dinner tonight?!"

_Well, that month-old pot roast in the fridge is ready to call a truce..._

Jon sunk down a bit, perhaps remembering that Garfield didn't care one whit most of the time whether he was angry or not. He turned and walked away, facepalming. "Never mind. I don't need to know about it. Just... I'm going to pick up a few things at the store. I'll clean up the mess in the kitchen when I get back."

_Bring back ravioli._

...

Garfield listened and observed as Jon went about his business, finding his wallet and car keys and walking out the door. Once he heard the car start and pull out of the driveway, the cat turned and spat something out onto the floor: the mangled and chewed-up remains of a red ribbon.

**-STAGE CLEAR-**

_Author's Notes_

It's weird. I had the first few paragraphs typed down back in late July, early August or so, and then I felt no urge to write any of this at all. Then suddenly within the past week (March 8, 2013 as of this writing), I decided to work on this chapter again. Don't know what prompted it, but I won't argue.

I'd like to thank my associates at the Temple of Ranma's Senshi Seifuku for being there to bounce ideas off of, in particular for Garfield's Spell Cards. You know who you are. If you're reading this, I apologize that it took so long to do this after the initial discussions.

Deciding to include Keine was a split-second thing. Having a mega-sized Garfield was another. I realize that it doesn't make any sense for Keine to have been transformed during daylight, or for Garfield to have been as big as he was, but hey: it's a dream. With them, logic and sense are optional.

Well, guess I'd better refocus on _MiP._ Until the next chapter, everyone, ciao mein.


End file.
